Friday, October 12, 2012

Facebook and Not Friending

No rants today, just some idle thoughts.

I love Facebook. It has allowed me to reconnect with my cousins, which is a great thing. It allows me glimpses into their lives, and them glimpses into mine, and does the thing with all my myriad Facebook friends, some of whom I have met, and some of whom I have yet to meet, but have come to know quite well through our interaction in the blogsphere and on Facebook. Yes, I know, a run-on sentence. My English professors would be horrified. 

Anyhow, today, for some odd reason, I searched for someone from high school. I don't know why, just did. Then, scrolled through all their friends to see how many people from high school I might still recognize. Quite a few, just in case you were wondering. 

Then, as often happens in the chaotic spaces of my grey matter, I wondered . . . why am I not FB friends with anyone from high school?

The easy answer: I left Delaware, and all my high school friends, 29 years ago and went on with my life.

The second easy answer: I was only close friends with a very few people in high school. I lost touch with many of them years ago.

The third easy answer: If I wasn't friends with them in high school, why would I be friends with them now?

I think that's the main answer to my question. I've never been in a clique, or part of the popular crowd. I was more on the sidelines of life throughout school as I navigated the narrow-waters of my genetics, i.e., coming to terms with the fact I was gay.

If you haven't figured it out yet: some humans are downright cruel, and kids more so from the adults from which they learned such cruelty. So, obviously, if I knew I was gay in high school, other kids did too, and, well, kids are cruel. So, I stayed to the sidelines, with my little group of friends, and went on about my life.

Years ago, when I first created a Facebook account, a woman I went to high school with contacted me and wanted to be friends. I ignored her request. I wasn't friends with her in high school, so why bother was/is my attitude. Then, a friend I was close with contacted me. We messaged back and forth, I told her I was gay . . . and pretty much never heard from her again. Go figure!!! 

You see, being gay is how I was born and I choose not to associate with people who have a problem with me being gay. It's just how I roll.

Still, I find it odd that I haven't befriended on Facebook a single friend from high school. Okay, wait, I am friends with one friend from high school, but, my brother married her sister, so we have had contact throughout the years. Ha! Other than that, I haven't "liked" the high school - Brandywine High School, Wilmington, Delaware (DE) - page, or sent friend requests. Heck, my class, which is coming up on 30 years next June, doesn't even have it's own page for the reunion . . . not that I would go.

You see, I think I'm content with my life and the friends I have in my life. The past is the past. Yeah, it was neat looking at pictures of people I used to know, but that's enough for me. 

Perhaps - and as you can tell, I'm sort of rambling through my thoughts in a disjointed fashion - a part of me that was that guy in high school, afraid of rejection, tired of being made fun of because I fell outside the norm of what people considered the norm, will always wonder if people from high school who are sending friend requests are only sending them to confirm what they suspected in high school: is Scott gay?

Well, he is, proud of it, and has been in a committed relationship for the last 18 years. My friends and family love Frank. He's part of me, and he's part of my family. He even came to my family reunion this past June. Everybody loved him. In fact, my cousins were quite insistent on him coming to the reunion since he is part of the family.

And there, you see, is probably why I don't friend people from high school: my life is complete enough and those around me love me for me, and love Frank because he is a part of my life.

So, if you've stuck with this post long enough, you'll see there really wasn't a point to it, except for me to ramble on and on as I resolved some things in my mind. High School was great, but it was 29 years ago, and the Scott who existed then has turned into a person more comfortable with himself, and content with the life he has created for himself.


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